You’ve heard of urban deer hunts, right?
You might have noticed one in Eureka Springs. A whopping five deer have been harvested, according to a recent account. I think that number is lower than expected.
Urban hunts are a controversial method for controlling deer numbers. It allows hunters — usually specially licensed — to kill deer within a city’s boundaries.
They do this because deer tend to cause problems like running out into traffic, or through windows into houses. They also play havoc with landscaping.
In some cases, humans have encroached on deer habitat. In other instances, deer moved closer to population centers. That is especially true during weather swings, like the dry one we are immersed in this year. Food supplies are limited, as are water sources.
It is unfortunate, but sometimes a deer just has to go.
Deer aren’t my problem. I’ve managed to avoid a collision so far, and I hope to continue to do so.
My problem are those squinty-eyed, flying rats, AKA, squirrels. I propose an urban squirrel hunt to get rid of a few.
Before I go further, let me say to PETA and other animal lovers: Love away. Come get the little buggers. I don’t care how they go. They have to go.
I live in downtown Rogers, a beautiful tree-lined area. The problem with trees is they attract squirrels. They number in the thousands, probably hundreds of thousands.
My idea of an urban squirrel hunt was hatched Sunday about 7:15 a.m. After a long night, I was trying to catch a few Zs. There came a crash in the vicinity of the fireplace, and it was too early in the holiday season to be Jolly Ol’ St. Nick.
It was a squirrel. I couldn’t see it and I wasn’t about to open the fireplace doors so I could, but I could hear it. They have a distinctive chirring sound.
Stupid squirrel.
What to do? The last time it took a friend, his young son, two missionaries from the Church of Latter-day Saints and some stuff designed to keep critters away from places where they aren’t welcome to get the mother squirrel and her babies out. It was not pleasant.
I thought about calling animal control. My friend was out of pocket, and those very nice young Mormon men were not around.
I decided to wait. I mean, I can handle a dead squirrel. I don’t like it, but I can do it.
Squirrels like my house. Apparently I have tasty window screens. One day I was cleaning in the bathroom when I heard an odd noise from the back bedroom. What should I find? A squirrel hanging on to one of my very expensive screens, chomping away.
That hole is still there. Stupid squirrel.
Then there is the soffit just above the back bedroom. Apparently vinyl siding and wood dating to 1930 are a squirrel’s answer to turkey and dressing. They chewed a huge hole in the underside of the roof.
So I paid several hundred dollars to repair the damage. Then, bam! The hole was back. Well, it wasn’t the same hole — it was a bigger, better one.
A little Internet research advised to see if you could determine how they were getting to the problem area. Well they can climb and jump, obviously, but one way was across the electric service line to the house.
Another dear friend put PVC pipe around the line so they couldn’t get a grip, and he kindly repaired the hole.
The squirrels and I lived in the relative peace until the first fireplace incident.
Here’s the thing, there’s a cap on the fireplace and there is no way a squirrel should be able to get inside.
I’m still working out details of my urban squirrel hunting plan. We don’t allow guns to be fired within the city limits, but I am hoping we can get a pass for the squirrel harvesters.
What, you may ask, happened to last weekend’s unwelcome visitor. The cats and I heard all sorts of noise, which indicated that Houdini Squirrel was trying to get out.
And then there was silence.
I don’t know if it is dead — there is no smell. So I am leaning toward escape. I will check it out in a few more days.
In the meantime, I am at work on a plan to free us from the tyranny of the squirrels.
Leeanna Walker is local editor of the Rogers Morning News and the Springdale Morning News. Follow her on Twitter at www.twitter.com/NWALeeanna.