THE CAT SIDE

Cat Butler Teeters On Fiscal Cliff

MANSERVANT HAS UNTIL DEC. 31 TO SHAPE UP, OR SHIP OUT

I, Boat Dock, have reached the end of my flea collar with all this talk about the fi scal cliff .

That’s all I hear about, the fi scal cliff . It’s fi scal cliff this and fi scal cliff that.

If we felines were in charge, we’d stop the cat fighting and solve this fi scal cliff silliness pronto. I am confident Congress will do just that very soon. Hardee har har.

We’re having our own little fi scal cliff issue here at the hovel. If my manservant doesn’t shape up by Dec. 31, I’m shoving his hiney over his own fi scal cliff .

Take Tuesday. It’s 4 a.m.

and the cat butler is wasting away the day, still in bed.

I’ve been snoozing at his feet since midnight. I crawl out of my hazmat suit, ready for him to grant my exit from the house.

Downstairs, I curl up in his rocker to wait and wait.

Before long I, Boat Dock, am in dreamland.

Next thing I know he’s clean-and-jerked me from the chair cushion and relocated me to the foot stool, waking me from a dead sleep. All this so he can sit with his coffee and have his 45 minutes of staring time.

If that doesn’t rate a little nudge over the fi scal cliff I don’t know what does.

I can hear you readers now. “Boat Dock, the fi scal cliff is all about spending, entitlement programs, that kind of thing.”

Right. No wonder Ben Bernanke never mentions cat treats.

I say the cat butler should spend more time at home so I get the food I’m entitled to- like last weekend.

Mr. Thinks He’s Secretary of State takes a little trip, leaving me for two days.

Usually he sets out the autofeeder so my dish always runneth over when he’s AWOL.

This time he gets lazy. He just fills my regular dish to the top and leaves.

By Sunday morning, the bottom of the food dish is showing. Not acceptable. I downed nearly every kibble before he got home Sunday evening.

My platform is “Supper time all the time.” On this I will not compromise.

He’s been the irresponsible cat-owner poster child these last couple weeks. I’ll wager he thinks there’s a safety net at the bottom of that cliff .

Negatory on that.

Maybe I’ll just do nothing, let him keep up the cat abuse, so he goes over the fi scal cliff on his own.

That’ll fi x his wagon.

As one who fell off the end table last week, I can testify it’s no fun to tumble off of any cliff , fi scal or otherwise.

He’s got until Dec. 31 to get his rear in gear.

BOAT DOCK IS FELINE OUTDOORS COLUMNIST FOR NWA MEDIA.

HIS COLUMNS APPEAR WHEN HE FEELS LIKE WRITING ONE. WRITE TO BOAT DOCK ON FACEBOOK.

SEARCH BOAT DOCK UNDER PEOPLE.

Outdoor, Pages 8 on 11/22/2012

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