Band of mothers

LITTLE ROCK — The Arkansas Chapter of American Gold Star Mothers Inc. is still pretty new, receiving its charter in late January. But the connections between these mothers and the unfathomable loss they share began being forged years earlier.

“Our first meeting was in March and at that time we elected officers, but many of us had already known each other for a while,” says Fran Marshall of Little Rock, president of the state chapter of the national private nonprofit organization which offers support to women who have lost a child because of war.

Before the Arkansas chapter’s charter was applied for, the women who are now members had found one another through Rob Hopper of Wynne, who holds motorcycle rides and has created a traveling memorial.

“I don’t feel like we’re a new chapter; most of these ladies and I have known each other for four or five years now,” Marshall says.

A chapter can be formed with as few as five members; the Arkansas group now has 10.

“We would like to have a lot more,” she says. “We just need to let people know we are here for them.”

Marshall emphasizes that any mother who has lost a child because of war is considered a Gold Star Mother, regardless of whether they are an official member of the national organization.

But the desire to gather formally in Arkansas became more urgent in early January when additional tragedy involving a Gold Star Mother struck.

“We lost a mother to suicide,” Marshall says, referring to Janice Robbins, 63, in Mayflower. Authorities say Robbins, a retired Army and Veterans Affairs hospital nurse, set her Mayflower home on fire in Jan. 7, killing herself and her granddaughter, Abby, 7. The deaths have been officially ruled murder-suicide. Robbins had lost two sons; Abby’s father, Staff Sgt. William “Terry” Robbins, 31, who died in Iraq in a noncombat shooting on Feb. 10, 2005, and her son Jason who died in a shooting in 1991.

Janice Robbins became Abby’s guardian in February 2005 on the girl’s first birthday and adopted her in September 2010 with the consent of Abby’s mother, Kimberly Robbins.

Faulkner County Coroner Patrick F. Moore said Robbins’ surviving son told authorities that she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a disease marked by extreme euphoria alternating with extreme depression.

“I’d met Jan at several events and I feel if we’d been more organized back then maybe we could have reached out to her more and maybe she would have been more open to asking for help,” Marshall says.

“What many others don’t realize is that no matter how long ago you lost a child, the pain will always be there. As a member of this group, you get to meet others who know the path you are walking and can relate.”

Mothers of children who have experienced any type of military-related death, including those who commit suicide as a result of post-traumatic stress disorder, are recognized.

“We have a lot of those,” Marshall says. “That’s why we say ‘lost a child because of the war’ and not ‘in the war.’”

REACHING OUT

When they learn of another Arkansas soldier’s death, members of the local chap- ter reach out to pay respects and let them know they are there for them.

“We try to go to every funeral,” Marshall says. “And we take a gift basket and leave our name and phone number.”

Since 2003 almost 4,500 Americans have died in Iraq, according to icasualties.org. There have been 2,157 U.S. military deaths in Afghanistan.

Army Spc. Joseph A. Richardson, 23, of Booneville, was killed Friday in Paktika, Afghanistan, in a bomb and small-arms attack. He was a member of the 1st Battalion, 28th Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division.

As of late September, 101 servicemen with Arkansas ties, ranging in age from 18 to 49, have died in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan since 2003 — 72 in Iraq and 29 in Afghanistan. Of those deaths, one was due to friendly fire, 18 were the result of noncombat situations and 81 from enemy fire.

One of them was Marshall’s son, Bradley.

Sgt. Bradley W. Marshall, 37, of Little Rock, a member of the 2nd Battalion, 377th Parachute Field Artillery Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team (Airborne), 25th Infantry Division, died July 31, 2007, in Tunis, Iraq, of wounds he sustained from enemy mortar fire.

In order to spread the word about Gold Star Mothers, Marshall also speaks to various organizations such as the American Legion Auxiliary, which she addressed just a couple of weeks ago.

FRIENDSHIP AND FELLOWSHIP

“Emotional support is the biggest thing we offer one another,” she says of the group. “But we also do other things like reach out to veterans and prepare baskets for them at Christmas.”

Members of the state chapter plan several gatherings such as picnics and luncheons throughout the year. The average age of the Gold Star Mothers in the group is between 40 and 50 years old with the youngest in her late 30s and the oldest being Marshall, at 65, who was 59 when her son was killed.

“We just had a meeting in my home,” says Marshall, who lives in the Landmark community near Little Rock. “And in January, we’ll be meeting at another member’s home near Fayetteville. We try to spread the events out around the state so more people in other areas can attend.”

Several years ago before the Arkansas chapter was formed, Gov. Mike Beebe held a ceremony honoring Blue Star Mothers (those who have children currently serving in combat zone) and memorial flags were given to Gold Star Mothers attending.

For the past 30 years, the last Sunday in September has been set aside as National Gold Star Mothers’ Day to honor those mothers who have lost children because of war.

To commemorate it in Arkansas this year, a ceremony was held at the Jacksonville Museum of Military History during which eight mothers were honored with a flag and a Gold Star memorial.

“This is something we’ve been wanting to do for a while so we just went ahead and did it,” Marshall said. “We had a lot of other Gold Star Mothers who aren’t in our group attend and we dressed in all white so we would stand out to them and be easily identified. The ceremony drew about 100 attendees.”

GRATITUDE AMID GRIEF

When Kei Torres, 58, lived in Seattle she was a member of the Washington state chapter of American Gold Star Mothers. Her son, Jason K. LaFleur, 28, was killed Aug. 4, 2007, in Iraq by an IED (improvised explosive device) bomb while serving as corporal in the Army as a part of the 1st Brigade, 40th Squadron.

Moving to Springdale in October 2008 to be closer to her home state of Texas and Jason’s grave in San Antonio, she discovered there wasn’t an Arkansas chapter of the organization and set about to change that.

She started by establishing a Facebook page where families who had lost children or spouses due to war could share their experiences. Torres planned to establish an Arkansas chapter, but her daughter became ill and Marshall stepped in and completed the application.

“In my own journey through this loss, I found that in talking with other people who had experienced the same thing, it helped me in that I didn’t feel quite so alone or crazy. I learned they’d had some of the same experiences I did.

“I hope that at this point I’m a little farther down the road than some of the other moms and that I can give them hope,” Torres says. “I just want them to know we can make it and walk this journey together. The first few years, you don’t imagine that you can go on without your child.”

Torres and other gold star families in her area of the state will sign cards for veterans and distribute them at the local veterans home along with sodas and sugarfree desserts.

“There is a strange comfort that comes from being around other people who have been through the same traumatic experience that you have,” says Dr. Becky Whetstone of Little Rock.

The 54-year-old marriageand-family therapist’s son, Lance Cpl. Benjamin Schmidt, was killed in Afghanistan on Oct. 6, 2011, when the 24-yearold Marine and his fellow snipers were fired upon; he was killed by friendly fire.

“I feel very comfortable around them; it’s kind of like a support group,” Whetstone says of the mothers in the Arkansas chapter.

Whetstone says her training and experience as a therapist have been helpful in dealing with her grief, but when something like the first anniversary of her son’s death arrived last month, the pain was still sharp.

“They know to reach out on those kinds of days — anniversaries and birthdays,” Whetstone says. “I appreciate the sisterhood and support they’ve offered; it’s been a very deep comfort to me.”