LITTLE ROCK — By the time you read this, elections will be over and the long process of rebuilding and repairing from Sandy will be well under way. But tonight, the storm is fresh. The power of nature to destroy has once again revealed itself. Snuggled on my warm couch by a blazing fire, it’s easy to put my thoughts on pause to appreciate all we have, because in spite of fatigue, challenges and heavy workloads, there’s still enough to share.

We all run with a constant load of stress. The weight of that load varies from person to person. We push ourselves hard to do a good job, to meet people’s expectations, to take care of those we love and to be kind. What extra we have goes to family and friends, often until there’s little left for ourselves. So many times, we’re meeting responsibilities but we’re running fairly close to empty.

The challenge comes when there’s a crisis. That’s when we realize either we still have enough of something - resources, time, energy, counsel - to share, or we don’t. If it’s the first, the goal is to increase that amount, to live so we have even more reserves for hard times. If the answer is the second, if you’ve depleted your reserves to the point at which the well is dry, you’re close to burnout or you’re there.

My husband and I have made a conscious decision that burnout is no longer an option. We’re working very deliberately to make small, incremental changes in our lives to build all our reserves, but we’re not there yet. The incomprehensible need created by events like tornadoes and hurricanes reminds us that even without a crisis, we still run close to the edge. It’s time for us to take another look, to review our plan and adjust.

When people talk about work/life balance, I listen with a skeptical ear. Often it seems they’re talking about balance as if all we have to do is move objects from one bag to another until the weight of all our needs and obligations is evenly distributed and voila! We have balance!

In reality, responsibilities like work, family, friends and community don’t come in easily moveable packages. Instead, they break down into hard choices and half-completed commitments.

For example, you’re late to the school play because you had to finish a presentation to your biggest client, the one whose account pays for the braces that child on stage is wearing. Or you decide to fix the car this month but not the furnace so your child can get tutored in math, and you just hope it doesn’t get too cold outside. Or you’d like to spend more time with you railing parents but you need to pick up a second shift so you can afford a nurse who can stay with them at night so you can sleep. In other words, life comes at us through hard choices, and many of us make those weekly.

What balance that does come is a constant dance, a juggling of who and what must be done so that at the end of the day you can rest and the next day you can getup and do your best again. As a general rule, energy and resources go to whichever responsibility or loved one needs them the most - and sometimes that’s not pretty. The kids may want more time with you, but the electric bill has to be paid and so does their doctor.

The hardest part of dealing with all this is realizing how complex life is. The problem with great expectations tends to be their simplicity. In real life, managing resources isn’t simple, and managing them to create backup reserves is even more challenging. Invariably, we must do something differently to achieve different results.

Write to Jennifer Hansen at Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, P.O. Box 7, Springdale, Ark. 72765. Email her at:

[email protected]

Family, Pages 42 on 11/07/2012