Birthers versus deathers

— Gov. Rick Scott may be a zombie.

I know. I doubt it, too. But this isn’t about reality. It’s about clinging to a few scraps of information, and building a sinister web of conspiracy that comports to your political worldview.

Scott, who is trying to orchestrate a hasty, sloppy purge of Florida’s voting rolls, confided recently that he had experienced a voting problem when he went to vote six years ago before he began his political life in the state.

“You can’t vote because you’re dead,” Scott said the poll worker in Naples told him. “You passed away, according to our voter rolls.”

Cue the horror-movie soundtrack. Could we have elected a member of the undead to the governor’s mansion?

It’s certainly as plausible as the ridiculous and ongoing claims on the right that question the legitimacy of Barack Obama’s citizenship.

Monday, a Florida judge had to waste court time to hear a lawsuit that aims to bar Obama’s name from appearing on the state ballot in November by claiming that Obama is not a “natural-born citizen.”

Earlier this month, the U.S. Supreme Court turned down hearing another birther lawsuit against Obama, filed by former presidential candidate Alan Keyes. And last month, the Iowa Republican Party amended its platform language to require presidential candidates to “show proof of being a natural-born citizen.”

There appears to be no end to the Obama birther nonsense.

So it seems only fair that if the political right continues to indulge the fantasies of its fanatics about Obama, the liberals in Florida should be afforded an equal measure of mouth foam over the election of a potential face-eating governor.

After all, we do seem to be in the middle of a zombie apocalypse in the state. Show us the death certificate!

It’s certainly mysterious how this once deadlisted Rick Scott has been allowed to come alive on the Florida voting rolls and then, through the virtue of $73 million of his own money, turn his distaste for government into a seat at the very pinnacle of the government he holds in such little regard.

Oh, the horror!

We’ve elected somebody who is part Kochbrothers creation, and part-Bat Boy look-alike. A bloodsucker on multiple levels.

There’s a karmic symmetry to the wacky belief that Scott may be a zombie, considering that Scott was elected by so many people who believe that President Obama may be a Kenyan.

You can think of it as Obama birthers versus Scott deathers.

It didn’t take long after the Scott dead-votermixup story to appear for the wheels of conspiracy to start cranking.

“Dead people are illegally running for office and then trying to purge the living from the voter rolls once they take office!” a commenter on the website Politico wrote.

Another commenter said this called for swift and decisive verification.

Collect the DNA sample from Scott and get him checked by “a board-certified thoracic surgeon,” the commenter wrote. “Until then, I think he would allay the concerns of the good people of Florida, and step down. I mean, how would it look, a zombie running the Sunshine State?”

Editorial, Pages 16 on 06/21/2012

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