It’s summer, the weather is hot and tempers are hotter - the perfect time for a rant about the lack of driving skills among everyone except me.
Driving the main northsouth artery through Northwest Arkansas every day, the Talladega 540, one gets to see every type of driver known to mankind.
I think I’ve actually discovered a few new species during the past few years.
When I saw a woman pass me at 85 mph - a conservative guess - driving with one knee, putting makeup on and looking in the rearview mirror, I just had to wonder where her priorities were.
Apparently not with driving her car.
She was all over the road and other drivers and I politely allowed her our portion of the road for our own safety.
She was countered quite well by the male of the species, doing much the same thing, except he was shaving on the way to work.
It galls me that people can get behind the wheel of thousands of pounds of metal and not have enoughcommon sense to pay attention to what they’re doing.
Like the people who, obviously, think they’re the only ones on the road.
Have you ever been behind one of these jackwagons in the opposite lane and they start to slowly drift over into your lane?
By the time they’re about half out of their lane and half into yours, you’re wondering if this is their idea of politely merging or if you’re going to see them wake up and quickly jerk their vehicle back into their lane.
Speaking of changing lanes, it’s really illegal in Arkansas not to use your turn signal when executing a lane change.
Yes, that tiny lever on the left side of the steering column can give the rest of the world valuable clues as to what your intentions are - provided you knowwhat your intentions are.
My absolute favorite is the guy - girl - hobbit - whatever - who is driving blissfully along in the inside lane of traft c and suddenly realizes, “Hey, that’s my exit.”
The NASCAR wannabe then cuts the wheel sharply to the right, across the outside lane of traft c to make the turn into the exit.
Unfortunately, they’re always seemingly blissfully unaware of the problems they’ve caused to any other driver on the interstate, but by golly, they made it to pit road during the caution fl ag.
Speaking of NASCAR, those drivers are highly trained. You might even use the term “athletes.” They practice all the time driving at high speeds under somewhat controlled conditions.
On the scale of the evolution of drivers, you and I are in the primate range compared to these guys. (If you believe in intelligent design, then we aren’t intelligently designed enough yet to try to emulate their driving skills.)
Yet invariably, you can find some guy, usually really a guy, 6 inches from your back bumper, in thepassing lane, darting back and forth between the lanes, looking for a way to pass you, despite the milelong line of traft c in front of you both.
Like it’s your sole responsibility to start tapping the cars in front of you into the nonexistent wall while you both weave your way up to the front of the pack.
One last thing: Those merging lanes to come onto I-540 are to gather speed so you can fi t into the flow of traft c. It’s the exit lanes that have speed limit signs on them for deceleration.
If you creep up the entrance ramps at 35 or 40 mph and try to merge into traft c that’s going at least 80 mph, you’re going to be driving a subcompact in no time.
Just remember this rule of math: 45 won’t go into 80 without something left over.
Keep these tips in mind and you’ll have a safe drive to work every morning. It’s just the other idiots on the road you’ll have to worry about.
BOB CAUDLE WRITES A HUMOROUS COMMENTARY ON LOCAL, STATE AND NATIONAL ISSUES. HE IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY INSULTER.
Opinion, Pages 5 on 07/28/2012