DEAR ABBY: Big Thinker Looks For Changes In Slacker Boyfriend

Dear Abby: I have been dating “Lance” for about two years now. We communicate well, have great chemistry and are very affectionate with each other. Lance is kind, creative (he’s an artist) and considerate. However, he lacks ambition.

I’m a big thinker who wants big things in life. I have traveled extensively and am very involved in the world of academia. I know from our conversations that he is intelligent and capable of doing so much more.

Is there any way to motivate him without nagging? - Asking Too Much? In San Francisco

Dear Asking Too Much?: If you would like to motivate Lance, tell him you think youneed to be with someone who has more direction in life. If that doesn’t galvanize him to action, nothing will.

Dear Abby: After being in a four-year relationship with an alcoholic who was emotionally, verbally and at times physically abusive, I got out. I have moved back with my parents to save money so I can get my own place. When I told my mother about some of the incidents that happened, she said, “I know how you can be.” My father seemed more supportive - until recently.

My ex has a son I grewclose to, as did my parents. Last week, I found out my ex had contacted them and his son will be coming here for a visit. Abby, I don’t want my ex to know anything about my current life!

I feel hurt and angry at my parents for not respecting my feelings. I can’t seem to get through to my mom, and Dad said, “Well, you’re the one who stayed for so long!” I don’t know if I can forgive them. Any advice would be appreciated. - Hurt Daughter In Massachusetts

Dear Hurt Daughter: I’ll try. When people are attracted to - and stay with - a partner who is emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically abusive, it’s sometimes because there wasdysfunction in their upbringing. You don’t say how long you have been staying with your parents, but if there is no alternative, you need to stick to your plan and stay until you have enough money to rent a place of your own.

When the boy arrives, greet him warmly and spend as little time there as possible. Give him no information about your life other than to say you are doing fine and are happy. And as soon as you have enough money, get out of there.

P.S. If you haven’t already joined an Al-Anon group, I recommend it.

WRITE DEAR ABBY AT WWW.

DEARABBY.COM OR P.O. BOX 69440, LOS ANGELES, CA 90069.

Religion, Pages 7 on 12/29/2012

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