LITTLE ROCK — Dear Otus,
How worried should we be about all this end of the world hooey having to do with the Mayan calendar? It sounds flaky to me.
- Ma Lassezia, Little Rock
Dear Ma,
It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you, but I would admonish that you scoff and deride at your own peril.
Hooey may be in the eye of the beholder, but you should heed the whirligig, my friend.
To quote the Bard, “Thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges” (The Real Housewives of Windsor, Act V, Scene I).
And the Mayan calendar is all about time. Or rather, time running out.
According to the “Long Count” Mayan calendar, the world will end at 11:47 a.m. Central Standard Time on Friday.
The calendar was simply an object of curiosity, even levity, until the key artifact - a sort of Mayan Calendar Rosetta Stone - was excavated in 2009 at Toltec Mounds Archeological State Park in Scott.
Prior to that, the world had lived in ignorant bliss about the finality of the situation. Most assumed those rascally Mayans were playing some sort of elaborate practical joke on us from their 16th-century Mesoamerican vantage point.
Now it appears they were on to something.
The esoteric Maya, who lived primarily in independent states in the Yucatan Peninsula, were allied with the more pragmatic Toltecs of east-central Mexico who lived in their capital city of Teotihuacanoxkintok. The Toltecs established far-flung trading posts in the lower Mississippi Valley, including the sprawling mound complex at Scott.
It was during the 2009 Arkansas Archeological Survey Research Station dig on Mound B that the Mayan artifact was uncovered 4.23 feet beneath the surface near the northeast shoulder.
Experts know the artifact was carved after the arrival of the Spanish because of the enigmatic inscription on the obverse: Suene la bocina; prosiga lentamente.
That inscription was the key to unlocking the secrets of the Mayan calendar.
The Frisbee-size tablet was dedicated to the Mayan god Gozer, known by his Toltec name as Q’uq’ummatz. He was the feathered serpent god of the Popol Vuh who created humanity in a joint effort with the god Teepee, the “Sovereign Plumed Serpent.”
Scholars note that Q’uq’ummatz is the same deity as the more familiar Aztec god Quetzalcoatl’texc atipocahuitzilopocht’lichicch anmanik.
As you can imagine, Toltec’s limestone tablet caused quite a stir in archaeological and apocalyptic circles, the results of which you now see in the doomsday hysteria sweeping the globe.
The tablet, which was on loan for two years to the Jeffersonian Institute in Washington, is currently on display in a hermetically sealed, argon-gas-filled glass case at the Toltec Mounds visitor center.
Park hours are 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday, and Sunday noon to 5 p.m.
Hours will be 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Dec. 21 due to the large crowd expected to be on hand to view the end of the world.
Remember: No coolers, glass containers, alcoholic beverages or T-shirts with profane language.
Also, taking your own food onto the grounds is not allowed. There will be several area food trucks catering to the crowd and featuring native Mayan dishes. The vendors include El Taco Loco, Taqueria Thalia, Luncheria Mayanana Alcia, and for the New Age vegans, Taqueria Comida Blanda.
Until the Toltec discovery, researchers citing the Mayan Haab and Tzolkin calendars assumed the date signified only the end of the Mayan “Great Cycle” and the beginning of another. That’s no longer the case due to the concurrent signs of the apocalypse.
First of all, we have come to the end of the 26,000-year cycle of the sun orbiting Alcyone. Secondly, the Razorbacks adopted ugly uniforms that aren’t even the team colors. Disaster ensued. Coincidence?
Finally, Barbara Walters’ 10 Most Fascinating People of 2012 included the 6-year old Georgia phenom Honey Boo Boo, star of the TLC reality series Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. TLC used to stand for The Learning Channel. Learning has become moot due to pandering to our apocalyptic fascination with freak shows.
At any rate, Honey Boo Boo has a counterpart in the Mayan goddess Nazkar, who discovered pulque, a fermented drink that was the forerunner of Bud Lite.
Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that admission to Toltec will be $2 after 11:47 a.m. Friday.
Disclaimer Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. Email:
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