HEART & SOUL

Terrific holiday, malady and all

— It was the best Thanksgiving ever. No question. We were all sick and no one had much energy, so we coughed, sneezed and held our aching heads the whole day, yet it was still the best Thanksgiving ever.

Months ago, I asked for Thanksgiving at the farm. But the closer the day came, the less likely that seemed. Work issues, shopping deals and proximity to friends crowded into the picture. Then we all got sick. Suddenly, going to the farm made more sense than anything. Once we were there, we were just happy to be together.

What malady we had remains a mystery, but apparently we shared it well. Over three days, the only trip to town was to refill the essentials — bags of cough drops and boxes of tissues. In hindsight, it probably helped that my children have both lived away at school now, so they’re more appreciative of the comforts of home. They’re also easier — the teen years are wonderful, hard and behind us. This holiday there was a calmness among us that was new and very nice.

There was also another ingredient, maybe the most important, that made this holiday great. After years of trying hard to have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and a couple of years of not trying at all, I found my groove. Since I felt so low, my expectations were almost non-existent. If we just had a pleasant time, it would be good enough. Sure enough, that’s what we had — and the simplicity made it special.

Life is full of surprises. Beforehand, we had long talks about the Thanksgiving sales and the deals we needed to take advantage of. I even crafted a rough shopping plan. Once we got sick everything changed.

We had no interest in anything that took us near crowds, stores or standing in lines. Shopping was so far from our thoughts that when we turned on the TV the next day and saw what we’d missed, we didn’t miss it at all.

So many years when the children were growing up, I dreamed of a Thanksgiving like this and tried hard to make it happen. We’ve had some good Thanksgivings through the years, some wonderful food and good times. But I cannot remember one that felt so sweet and simply happy, nor any that filled me with as much pure gratitude.

The older I get, the easier it is to let go of expectations. Life’s challenges help you do that. I wish this wisdom had come sooner, because now it’s clear that it’s the expectations that do you in. Thanksgiving afternoon, friends drove all the way out to see and be with us and I was thrilled. It was as if Santa had arrived. Marc put a makeshift leaf in the table, we pulled up odd chairs, they brought lovely snacks and didn’t seem to mind that we were under the weather. They just wanted to be with us, and we with them.

On the night we all felt good enough to play a game, we sat around the uneven table and laughed and coughed until we cried. Then Marc and I bundled up and stepped outside. There’s not much light pollution out at the farm, and the stars on a clear night are startling and dense. The longer you look, the more familiar constellations emerge.

We leaned on each other and gazed at the sky, picking out constellations until the cold crept through our coats. It was the same sky we see every night, but that night we looked up and thought how beautiful it all is, and how good, and how thankful we are for everything we have. And right there, under the canopy of stars, I said grace over all of us, over the whole world, and then Marc put his arm around me and we went inside. Amen.

Write to Jennifer Hansen at Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, P.O. Box 7, Springdale, Ark. 72765. E-mail her at:

[email protected]

Family, Pages 34 on 12/05/2012

Upcoming Events