From fretful to festive

The holidays often create stress, but we can restore the comfort and joy

— For Michael Flanigan, the holidays overflow with sweetness — pies, cakes and warm family time.

He revels in decorating the Christmas tree with Nat “King” Cole crooning softly in the background, whipping up a sweet potato pie, playing football on Thanksgiving with cousins.

Still, as an entrepreneur of a startup company making personalized gifts (theExpressionary. com), this time of year can get extremely busy, and with that comes a certain level of stress.

While this is a wonderful time of year for enjoying holiday rituals, it’s inevitable that crowded malls, worsening traffic, and too many events in too little time will wear on us.

Flanigan, 25, mostly takes the stress in stride. He tries not to fret about getting the perfect gift, and he has learned it’s OK to say no to holiday parties to avoid getting overbooked.

“When things get really rough, I breathe and meditate and count my blessings, and I’m usually OK,” Flanigan said.

Experts believe planning and adjusting expectations — as well as taking deep breaths — can go a long way in minimizing stress this time of year.

“There are the commercials, and it’s so hyped up that it should just be perfect. And that is a very unrealistic expectation,” said Dr. Pamela Everett Thompson, an Atlanta psychologist.

HOLIDAY HYPE

Thompson said family dynamics also can be tricky, with some reverting to old behavior when they gather. That said, every year provides a new opportunity to break away from old patterns, she said.

“For instance, there’s the daughter who has worked extra jobs to help her mother maintain a certain lifestyle and the moment she walks into the house, the mom is talking about how she needs new curtains. Instead of getting into an argument or getting on a soapbox, the daughter can pleasantly smile and say, ‘I wish I could help, but I can’t.’”

Kathleen Hall, founder and chief executive officer of the Atlanta-based Stress Institute, said that if people are feeling low, they should consider switching things up. She suggested volunteering or starting a new holiday tradition by going on a trip or decorating in a new way.

To control spending-related stress, Hall also recommended that families organize holiday spending by creating a list of financial costs for gifts, as well as parties and other expenses. Be wary, she said, of emotional spending. If you struggle sticking to a budget at a mall, try shopping online or limiting your visits to a retail center to just a couple of days during the season, she said.

Thompson said it’s important to remember that what makes this time of year so special, even magical, rarely comes in a box with a bow. It’s the memories — decorating the Christmas tree, lighting Hanukkah candles, singing songs around the fireplace.

MORE MEMORIES

“If people could focus on memories instead of creating that perfect gift, if they could focus on the laughter we share, and the reminiscing, even reminiscing over that pound cake you made which was a disaster, that is what sustains us,” Thompson said. “Research indicates over and over and over the thing that contributes to well-being is that sense of belonging and connection to community and that we can create for free.” Meanwhile, Hall said she believes the devastation from Hurricane Sandy will make people more grounded this year.

Having a sense of gratitude can always put things in perspective, she said.

“Last year, I was feeling overwhelmed, and at the last minute, I put up a Christmas tree,” she said. “I put what I was thankful for on yellow Post-its on the tree. Then, my husband wrote what he was thankful for on turquoise Post-its. Then we put up lights. We kept the Post-it notes.”

KEEPING YOUR COOL

Here are some tips for minimizing stress during the busy holiday season:

Do a minimeditation: Grab a moment while waiting in traffic or sitting at your desk to take several deep breaths. Repeat an affirmation such as “Keep letting go” or “I am strong.”

Listen to music: For some, it’s Christmas music, and for others, it’s Mozart or Coldplay, but listening to just one song can give you an immune-system boost. (Heavy metal, according to studies, is the only genre of music that does not relieve stress.)

Feel the burn: Keep a hand-weight handy to do three minutes of lifts to produce stress-relieving endorphins.

Socialize: Go to lunch or grab a coffee with someone you like at the office.

Maintain an attitude of gratitude: Gratitude helps your mind focus on the big picture instead of getting caught up in minor details.

Source: Kathleen Hall, founder and chief executive officer of the Stress Institute in Atlanta

Family, Pages 34 on 12/05/2012

Upcoming Events