LITTLE ROCK — Dear Otus,

Can you tell me what’s up with the new billboard that’s appeared on I-30 near Exit 18? It says, “Prepare to meet thy worms.”

That seems a bit macabre to me. Is this some sort of twisted religious commentary?

• Faye Kinnet, Hope

Dear Faye,

It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you and wholly a pleasure to set your mind at ease.

The billboard, which was erected June 2, is hardly a commentary on human mortality or a remonstration of mankind’s plethora of corporeal vices or an exhortation to tend to one’s soul before a heavenly confrontation with the Almighty.

The billboard is, quite simply, an advertisement for Guy (pronounced Ghee) Gogh’s Wonder Worm Farm, just north of Fulton.

Gogh, 58, is quite a well known and colorful character in Hempstead County. He and his wife, Frieda, and son Brad were owners of Gogh’s Lovable Luffa Ranch until the bottom fell out of the luffa market in the great exfoliation scare of ’08.

That was when an article in the prestigious British Journal of Phrenology suggested that the manual luffa-izing of the head actually hastened the onset of septoria glume blotch.

As you can imagine, luffa sales fell through the floor and Gogh was stuck with 887 acres of prime, but worthless, luffa bottomland.

As fate would have it, the disaster turned out to be a blessing for the intrepid Arkie entrepreneur.

In 2009 the gusano blight struck west-central Mexico, wiping out all the agave “worms” in the state of Jalisco. The worms are actually moth larvae.

Mexico faced an economic disaster of biblical proportions. There would be no worms to put in the bottom of bottles of mescal or in those bottles shipped to American importers for consumers wanting worms in their tequila.

Into the worm void stepped Guy Gogh. In one short season he plowed under his luffa plants and converted 125 of his acres into a sprawling agave worm farm.

The rest of his farm is devoted to epigeic worms - European night crawlers for fishing and red wrigglers for composting. The worms are amazingly detritivorous, and such feed is in abundance in Hempstead County despite the recent drought.

Worm times have been good and Gogh now owns the nation’s second largest Hipopta agavis farm - a sight to see after a late summer shower.

“When you get a quarter inch of rain on the fields they just come to life with the crawlers,” Gogh said. “It looks as if the skin of the earth is crawling. Some folks might be repulsed by the sight, but I look out there and I see muddy gold.”

Last fall Gogh boxed up and exported 118 tons of the wiggly worms - enough to put a worm each into more than 14 million bottles of tequila and mescal.

Gogh says the vast majority of his larvae are the gusano rojo variety, but some importers prefer his hearty, full-bodied gusano de oro variety.

With twice as much protein as beef, worms are considered delicacies in some cultures and are deep-fried and served on bamboo skewers as “worms kebob.”

Gogh is under contract with the nearby Texarkana School District to provide the worms for the elementary schools’ Meneando en un Palo lunch dish each Monday. The worms are served with a three-bean salad, whole wheat roll, apple honey crisp and low fat milk - a bargain at $1.75.

The Gogh family offers free Sunday afternoon tours between 1 and 5 p.m., and kids under 10 are allowed to dig “for all the worms they can eat.” It’s great - and muddy - family fun. Wear old clothes.

To reach the farm, take I-30 Exit 18 north on Arkansas 355 and follow the signs three miles. Turn left on Allens Ferry Road (just before the Foster Water Treatment Plant) and look for the giant plastic worm arching over the road. Tour buses are welcome. Park on the gravel circle.

Note: The Goghs have a water fountain and hose, but only two portable toilets for public use. Also, their 14-year old Weimaraner, Lombrico, won’t bite but he’s mostly blind, so it’s best to leave him alone on the porch.

Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that you can learn how to build your own home worm mini-farm at the “Grow Worm” link at the website worm.com.

Disclaimer

Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. E-mail:

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HomeStyle, Pages 34 on 08/25/2012