Staccato

— With apologies to the shade of Walter Winchell. The reader, tolerant as ever, will just have to imagine the sound of the teletype key-or was it a radio beep?-that America’s chief gossip columnist and ego at the time used to give his telegraphic prose a fabricated drama. Be assured I wore a fedora, Winchell’s trademark, while writing this column-an assertion as reliable as any of Mr. Winchell’s.

Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Arkansas from border to border, the hills to the Delta, and all the boats on Greers Ferry Lake. Let’s go to press. . . . The quote of the day comes from the algebra teacher in the Little Rock School District who was put on administrative leave after pleading guilty to prostitution and, oh, yes, operating a business without a license. . . . “I do love working for the district,” said the teacher, and “I don’t see what my job [teaching the young] has to do with a personal decision I made and my personal misjudgment, other than the fact that [school officials] have a prostitute teaching their students.” . . . People can be so picky. . . . So can the school district’s employee handbook, which includes “immoral conduct” among the grounds for dismissal. . . . There’s a technicality about everything these days. . . . Immoral conduct? Come on, this is the 21st Century. Can that concept exist any more? It’s been a thing of the past since the Roman empire outgrew it before its fall. Say, you don’t think those two things could have been related, do you? . . . Little Rock’s school board clearly needs to rethink its Victorian attitudes. These are supposed to be modern times. Now, having submitted her resignation, the algebra teacher with the night job might consider moving to a more progressive state. . . . Say, Wisconsin, where people take to the streets to show their sympathy for our much abused public employees. And, while they’re at it, shut down the schools and tie up the state legislature. What could be more progressive? . . . A century ago, Wisconsin was the center of American progressivism. It still takes the lead in that department. Just look at the deficits its state government has run up. Impressive. . . . The president of the United States, good progressive that he is, had a good word the other day for the demonstrators who’ve paralyzed Wisconsin’s legislature, schools and the public business in general. They’re just like us in every way, he said, working hard and supporting their families. Except maybe higher paid. . . . With better benefits. . . . And a more generous retirement plan. . . . Also, longer vacations. If they’re teachers, they get the whole summer off. And when they’re not off, many take off to demonstrate in support of their fellow union members. . . . But, yes, otherwise they’re just like us.

Speaking of public employees, I’ll be right back for Jergen’s Lotion after this pause for public identification with the most unexpected headline of the week. Don’t touch that dial! . . . And here it is, Mr. and Mrs. Arkansas. It’s from P. 1B of a recent edition of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, which confirms your ever-alert reporter’s theory that the most revealing stories are always buried inside the paper. The headline: “Airport refuses director ’11 raise/ Panel punishes for spending problems.” . . . Can it be? Instead of getting the usual automatic raise this year, the airport’s chief hired hand is going to have to settle for his current salary (a meager $180,793.60 a year), an entry in his personnel file, and a tighter rein on how much of the public’s money he’ll be allowed to spend on his own generous say-so. . . . Naturally he keeps his job. Pink slips? Layoffs? Furlough days?

Aren’t those mainly for the private sector? . . . Meanwhile, the airport itself continues to do its part for inflation. Its revenues jumped 18 percent last year, and it ended 2010 with an $8-million surplus thanks in large part to its ever higher parking fees, which rose as much as 33 percent last year. . . . Passengers have little choice but to cough up. As one particularly rapacious governor of Arkansas used to say, tourists bring in more money than cotton and they’re a lot easier to pick. . . . The high-spending director deserves credit for negotiating a better deal for the airport with the airlines, who were nickel-and-diming travelers . . . Now the airport does it . . . They used to call charging exorbitant fees “highway robbery,” but the phrase sounds dated. Nowadays shouldn’t it be airport robbery?

With lotions of love, I remain your Arkansas correspondent. Stay tuned for Jimmie Fidler, Louella Parsons and Hedda Hopper from the left coast . . . .

Paul Greenberg is the Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial page editor of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.

Editorial, Pages 16 on 02/23/2011

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