SPRINGDALE — Now that Springdale Snowmageddon of 2011 has past, I feel so much wiser and prepared for the next record snowstorm. Of course, it will probably be 20 years and the lessons learned will be for my grandchildren, but nonetheless, I am wiser. Or, at least I like to think so.
It will take you 100 percent longer to dress your children for playing in the snow than the time they will spend actually in the snow. It will not matter that you are on day four of being snowed in and have laid every item out for efficiency; it will never be fast because they will always forget to go to the bathroom until they have put their boots on. However, if it is -5 degrees and there is 20 inches of snow and you have spent an hour layering the child, it will be 1,000 percent longer.
Telling your child it is too cold to go outside won't always work. Sometimes natural consequences of ignoring your mother work best. Natural consequence in this case, being icicles forming on your child's eyelashes because the layers of clothing won't allow him/her to move fast enough to get back inside.
While trying to run back inside, little Hannah will fall face first in snow and will not be able to move to get up. So, I will be fully dressed for snow play even if I have no intention of actually going outside. Negative 10 degrees and 24 inches of snow will put your body in shock when you are wearing old flannel pajamas (still at 3 p.m.)
Because it is day four of the snowstorm and you are still in your PJs, you have forgotten what it is like to fasten real pants. Hence, take five minutes every day to try on your jeans, to keep overeating in check. An elastic waistband is your worst enemy in a situation like this.
Everyone loves to post the dinner, desserts, breakfasts and beverages they have made on Facebook. It is almost like they don't cook or bake on a consistent basis. And because you (in this case, me) don't, have an arsenal of recipes on hand that you are capable of making. Make sure the dishes look harder to create than they actually are. Fifty different recipes using crescent rolls won't do the trick.
Have 200 cans of crescent rolls on hand.
Each crescent roll has 3 million calories and a gazillion fat grams, so be prepared to still have crescent roll extravaganza still present on your waistline come July Fourth.
Daytime TV is the worst. How many episodes of "CSI" and "Law and Order" actually exist? Little Hannah can't keep up and she bombards me with questions. "Do regular police departments all have NASA technology to solve each case Mommy?" "Is that body really dead or is that ketchup?" Perhaps I should have made her leave the room, but even Dora gets boring after day 2.
When the children haven't seen school since December and you are on snowman number 12, sledding day number three, and snow angel number 250, the 30 inches of snow will not be beautiful anymore. And when your friends say they are cherishing every moment with their children, they are lying if it is after day 3.
When you are making your first snow angel with your 3-year-old and she turns her head and says, "Mama, I love you with sparkles on it," you will always cherish that moment. Even on day 15 in 50 inches of snow when it is -30 degrees outside.
HEATHER ORRICK NICHOLS IS A SPRINGDALE NATIVE, A WIFE AND THE MOTHER OF THREE CHILDREN.