LITTLE ROCK — As of Thursday, I’m a year away from AARP membership - and still no invitation.
I’ve had friends and acquaintances who started hearing from the organization years before they hit the big 5-0. One friend wonders what would have happened had she tried to join AARP at 45, when the group started “bombarding” her with literature. “Would they have refused to accept my membership check or what?”
I look forward to being old enough for AARP with the same enthusiasm with which, in my younger and more clueless years, I looked forward to being old enough to stroll into the wine and spirits store and buy strong drink. And compared with booze, AARP - formerly known as the American Association of Retired Persons - has lots more benefits: travel discounts (car rentals, cruises, hotels, vacation packages, tours ... pah-taaaay!). Discounts on everyday purchases, discounts on prescriptions, glasses and contacts, fitness memberships and health and beauty items. Group insurance and financial services. Advocacy.
Not that it’s a rescue from all problems. And with mostthings, if you expect too much from AARP, chances are you’ll find yourself disappointed.
Now. That being said, on to a final year of waiting in the wings. Like many who are too young for AARP but too old for Degrassi: The Next Generation, I certainly could do with a few discounts.
“Although anyone of any age can join AARP, benefits do not begin before age 50, with the bulk of the AARP health-care plans only available to senior [citizens] when they reach 65 years of age,” reports the website eHow.com. That’s the age the oldest baby boomers are noted as reaching; articles pertaining to that are on the AARP website.
And as I wait in the wings I realize that, y’know, I’m still the Jan Brady of the baby boomer set - one of the“baby” baby boomers born in the early ’60s, near the cutoff date.
We’re the ones who were still in pigtails, black Mary Janes, white socks and little checkered trapeze dresses when the older boomers were partying at Woodstock in fringed vests and hip-hugger jeans. We’re of the boomer set who wore the bell bottoms in elementary school and barely remember our older siblings listening to The Beatles on the radio and Aretha on the turntable.
We’re the ones who were old enough to think the theme from the movie Shaft was cool, but were too young to fully appreciate Isaac Hayes’ genius in coming up with it, and too young to see Shaft (although my cousins did get me in to see the “blacksploitation” movie Three the HardWay during a visit to Chicago in the early ’70s. And I sort of remember hiding under a blanket in the back seat while one of my brothers sneaked me in to see The Mack at one of the drive-in theaters here).
Yep, at age 49, I’m still the overshadowed “kid sister” screaming “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” And to make matters worse, I’m being “igged” by AARP, whose marketing officials should have been sending me reminders years ago that soon (if not already), the rings around the ol’ tree would start piling up and I might want to join their fine, august organization.
“With the children born between 1946 and 1964, known as the baby boomers, entering their retirement years, AARP expects to see a massive increase in membership andsubsequently in buying and legislative power,” according to that ehow.com site.
Yeah, well. Just because we “baby” baby boomers are still trying to stagger around in platform pumps, cougaring and stealing longing looks at souped-up red Camaros when our spouses and young grandchildren’s backs are turned doesn’t mean we don’t want a piece of the action too. After all, we’re the ones for which nothing will supposedly be left once we turn 65.
So as I wait to turn the age of Norma Desmond (who was portrayed as so woefully ancient in the movie classic Sunset Boulevard), I say - Mr. AARP, I’m ready for my invitation.
E-mail, e-mail, e-mail!!!!
Style, Pages 47 on 02/20/2011