LITTLE ROCK — The dogs were in conference. Since Baron’s arrival, the inseparable pair of Duke and Duchess had magnanimously expanded to include the 1-year-old, three-legged, 8-pound fluff ball we’d adopted. Eager to prove himself, Baron raced after everything the big dogs chased - squirrels, birds, the occasional rabbit near the garden. Heeven came up with some new distractions - his tail, big leaves, a shadow.
Now, Baron was being included in his first-ever pack conference and he was all wiggles. From my perch on the couch, computer on lap, I watched the trio convene outside the window. If this bowwow was anything like previous meetings, I’d soon know what was up. As usual, Duke seemed in charge. Not as usual, the irrepressible Duchess had her paw squarely and sternly on Baron’s back to keep him still.
Sure enough, half an hour later they trooped in nonchalantly, gradually drifting toward my corner. Baron, always magnetically drawn to the nearest available human, was exerting every possible ounce of restraint. For all of 20 seconds he ambled disinterestedly along the couch’s edge, as if unaware a lap was near. Then, unable to stand the separation, he leapt onto the couch next to me, snuggled close, and excitedly looked back and forth from Duke, theclear spokesman, to me.
“Ahem,” Duke said, in his noble boxer voice.
I ignored him. No fool I.
“We’ve been talking,” Duke continued, ignoring my ignoring. “And we’ve made a decision. Thought you’d like to know.”
At this, my eyebrows went up but my eyes stayed on the keyboard. “Hmm,” I said.
“We’ve decided we want a couch of our own,” he said.
I kept typing. “Hmm,” I said again.
“And we’d like some changes in the dinner menu. Specifically, more meat,” he finished.
“And more yummy treats and more toys,” Duchess chimed in.
Baron, wiggling in excitement, wagged his fluffy tail and nodded, but said nothing. Instead, he stood up, lay down, then stood up again, as if voting with his entire body.
I stopped typing and looked at all three dogs. “And in exchange for all this, youwill ... what?” I queried.
“We will stay quiet in the morning until you get up. We will guard the house with our lives. We will get along with ... everyone,” Duke answered, nodding at Baron as he said this last bit.
I took my time, not wanting to offend with too quick a response. During my obvious deliberating, Baron and Duchess could hardly contain themselves, but Duke remained commandingly still.
“Unfortunately,” I said finally, “I don’t have room for a couch for dogs, so that’s not an option. However, I might be able to come up with one more comfy dog cushion for lounging.”
Duke and Duchess conferred briefly. “Extra soft?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Acceptable,” he replied. Duchess rolled over in anticipation.
“As for meat, winter is coming so I’ll beef up your meals accordingly,” I told them. “But yummy treats,” here I paused for effect, “are not a good idea. Digestion issues are ... a concern.”
“Not for us,” piped upDuchess, while Duke looked as if he had no idea to what I referred.
“As for toys, that’s doable,” I conceded. At this, Baron leapt off the couch, raced around the coffee table, and jumped back up.
“He likes toys,” Duchess explained, doing her own 360 on the floor.
“Regarding your side of the bargain, I appreciate the effort to negotiate, but you already do all that stuff. I’m willing to make concessions this time, but for future reference, next time offer things you don’t normally do.”
“Right,” said Duke, grinning. And then I understood.
“You knew you were offering stuff you already did, didn’t you?”
“Of course,” Duke said, as he curled up on the floor next to me. “But I always appreciate a lesson in negotiations.” Write to Jennifer Hansen at Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, P.O. Box 7, Springdale, Ark. 72765. E-mail her at
Family, Pages 31 on 10/27/2010