LITTLE ROCK — Dear Otus,
What in the world are all the cars doing out at the airport? Thousands of them showed up this week. We just started getting rid of the FEMA trailers. Now this!
- Antonio Gentile, Hope
Dear Antonio,
It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you.
Yes, no sooner did Hope shuck off the 12,000 moldy travel trailers and 8,300 formaldehyde-oozing mobile homes that the Federal Emergency Management Agency dumped on the town following Katrina than this happens.
Currently, 327 of the 453 acres of the Hope Municipal Airport five miles northwest of The Melon Patch Restaurant on South Elm are now home to the state’s current fleet of cars, trucks, service vehicles, vans, scooters, ATVs and (two) Segways.
The vehicles completely cover two of the three airport runways. Only mile-long runway 16/34 is open and nothing larger than a Beechcraft King Air has landed there for three years.
Thanks to the recent stink and embarrassment over rampant personal use of stateowned vehiclesand not paying taxes on them, the entire fleet is being swapped out for more efficient vehicles. In addition, an accurate log of who is issued what is being compiled, collated and computerized by an independent out-of-state agency.
The only vehicles not included in last week’s sweeping recall ordered by Gov. Beebe are cruisers belonging to the Arkansas State Police, the Capitol Police, and the tricked-out, special-order SUV assigned to State Treasurer Martha Anne Shoffner. The cruisers will be recalled in shifts beginning Aug. 14.
The State Police fleet consists of 412 Dodge Chargers with 6.1-liter, SRT, 340-horsepower, V-8 Hemi engines with variable cam timing and multi-displacement system. They replaced the clunky old Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptors three years ago.
After the switch, the troopers will be driving snazzy Ford Fusion hybrids that get 39 mpg.
For their legally required duty to chauffeur the governor around for his protection, the State Police will use two Cadillac Escalade Hybrids (MSRP $73,135) with Bose 5.1 Cabin Surround SoundSystem, AudioPilot noise compensation technology and 10 speakers equalized to the Escalade’s interior.
The governor loves his tunes.
The Capitol Police, whopatrol the sprawling Capitol environs, currently use two GMC Yukons and a KIA Sportage. They’ll soon be going with a couple of Smart ForTwo vehicles.
Shoffner is on a special lease-to-buy program with her state-issued 2009 Chevy Tahoe LTZ SUV with touchscreen navigation radio and rearview camera display. She’ll continue to pay income tax on the vehicle until it’s paid off in 2014. She then has the option to purchase it from the state at Kelley Blue Book cost.
Shoffner jokingly quips that she needs the rearview camera to give her hindsight.
Beebe ordered the recall after an in-depth Arkansas Democrat-Gazette investigative team uncovered widespread vagaries, befuddlement and bureaucratic obfuscation concerning not only how many vehicles the state owns, but who is responsible for paying taxes on their personal use of the vehicles.
Beebe decided the best decision was to wipe the slate clean and start over.
The transfer of vehicles to Hope took three days, but the main caravan of 7,982 vehicles last Tuesday stretched (with the required three car-length separation) 60.5 miles down Interstate 30.
That means at one point the head of the procession was almost at Caddo Valley while the tail was still at the Little Rock Port Industrial Park assembly area. Traffic was tied up for hours.
The worst jam took place when everyone stopped at the Chicken Express in Arkadelphia for lunch.
The old state vehicles will be sold in the “World’s Largest Car Wars Spectacular” on Labor Day. The bargains should be spectacular. Tickets are free, but you must register at arstatesurplus.com to get in the gate. Remember - no coolers or lawn chairs.
Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that all vehicles will be sold “as is.”
Disclaimer:
Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. E-mail:
HomeStyle, Pages 33 on 07/31/2010