AUGUST CALENDAR: Careful, the natives are festive

Tontitown’s Italians are eyeing the scallions; in Hope the melons are restless

— August is big and ripe, ready for thumping. Slice it, and all the good stuff comes dribbling out - watermelons, waffles, yard sales, spaghetti and chuck wagons, and seeds to spit all over.

COINCIDENCE? - OR COBWEBS IN THE ATTIC?

1 Spider-Man’s 48th birthday makes him the same age as President Barack Obama - just one of many similarities between these two slender figures with powers beyond the ordinary: They both have significant others whose names start with the letter “M” - Mary Jane and Michelle.

And they both have troubles that start with the letter “G” - the Green Goblin and gross national debt.

They both deal with sticky stuff - web fluid and tar balls.

Spider-Man has radioactive blood, and Obama has Joe Biden - same thing.

IT TAKES LESS TIME THAN PAUL REVERE

2 The first United States census, 1790. Census workers counted about 3.9 million people, butGeorge Washington suspected a good many others ducked the government’s inquires.

Questions included which of the following: (A) Number of free white males of age 16 and older, (B) Number of muskets in the house, (C) Number of corners on Benjamin Franklin’s hat, (D) Number of free white females, (E) Number of horses.

(Answer at Aug. 11.)

HASTA BE PASTA

3 Tontitown Grape Festival through Aug. 7 near Fayettevile. Details at tontitowngrapefestival.com,including the festival’s 3,000 pounds of spaghetti dinners to be served Aug. 5-7. Call (479) 361-2615.

COINCIDENCE? - OR “Z” FOR ZERO?

4 Obama’s 49th birthday makes him the same age as Antonio Banderas. They might as well bet wins, considering: Banderas has two a’s in his last name, the same as Obama.

Banderas plays Zorro, the fox; and Obama plays basketball with other sports-minded guys in the White House - the jocks.

Zorro carves a “Z” with his blade, and Obama draws the line at Rolling Stone.

5 How to celebrate Get Ready for Kindergarten Month: Ready, set, nap.

SPLISH SPLASH, KITSCH CASH

6 White River Water Carnival through Aug. 7 in Riverside Park, Batesville. Call (870) 793-2378.

Yards and Yards of Yard Sales through Aug. 7 in Eureka Springs. Call (800) 638-7352.

HEAVY READING

America’s Strongest Man National Championship through Aug. 7 at Summit Arena, Hot Springs. Call (501) 321-2027.

Lamanpalooza end of summer reading party with Trout Fishing in America, 5:30-8:30 p.m. at William F. Laman Public Library System’s main library, North Little Rock. Call (501) 758-1720.

PIQUANTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Tasting Tradition family program, 5:30-7 p.m. at Crystal Bridges at the Massey, downtown Bentonville, serves a sample of cooking from Northern Mexico in connection with the art exhibit, “Transforming Tradition: The Pottery of Mata Ortiz.” The exhibit continues through Aug. 29. Call (479) 418-5700.

7 National Mustard Day: There’s always room for yell-o.

8 How to celebrate Sisters Day: Sis-tematically.

A GUST OF AUGUST

9 The right thing to give a person whose birthday is in August is: (A) Sardonyx, (B) Sardines, or (C)Sarcasm?

(Answer at Aug. 23.)

COINCIDENCE? - OR JUST PLAIN WEIRD?

10 Antonio Banderas’ 50th birthday makes him the same age as “Weird Al” Yankovic, whose “Spider-Man” song (to the tune of Billy Joel’s “Piano Man”) goes:

Sling us a web, you’re the Spider-Man;

Sling us a web tonight.

UH-HUH-HUH

Elvis Week through Aug. 16 in Memphis.

11 How to celebrate National Inventors’ Month: Just make it up.

By the numbers quiz answer: The 1790 census counted (A) men, and (D) women. The government counted men to raise an army. But it’s not true that Ben Franklin made up question “D” to help Poor Richard score a date.

WHEELS OF FORTUNE

12 Bargains Galore on 64, 160 miles of yard sales along U.S. 64 from Fort Smith to Beebe, through Aug. 14. Details at bargainsgaloreon64.com. Call (888) 568-3552.

MELONS GOOD ENOUGH TO STOP TRAFFIC

Red: Hope Watermelon Festival through Aug. 14 in Fair Park, Hope. Joe Nichols concert Aug. 14. Details at hopemelonfest.com. Call (870) 777-3640.

Yellow: Cave City Watermelon Festival through Aug. 14. Details at cavecityarkansas. info. Call (870) 283-5959.

Green: A rind time had by all.

13 Eeky-sneaky movie director Alfred Hitchcock’s birthday, 1899; eeky-freaky Friday the 13th, the year’s only Friday of uncertain luck.

“Luck is everything. My good luck in life was to be a really frightened person.” - Alfred Hitchcock

DOG EARS

14 Arkansas Book and Paper Show through Aug. 15 at Jacksonville Community Center, Jacksonville. Details at arkansasbooks.com. Call (501) 336-9313.

Arkansas Kennel Club dog shows through Aug. 15 at the Hall of Industry, Arkansas State Fairgrounds. Details at arkansaskennelclub.com. Call (501) 920-0110.

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx

An Evening With Grady Nichols jazz concert, 6:30 p.m. at the Arlington Hotel, Hot Springs, benefits the Arkansas chapter of Lupus Foundation of America. Call (501) 525-9380.

15 National Men’s Grooming Day - time to trim that mustache, mister; brush that beard and fashion a stylish combover out of those ever-lengthening ear whiskers.

16 National Panini Month presents the itsy-bitsy,teeny-weeny yellow polka dot panini: a top, a bottom, and nothing much in the middle.

THE BUCKSKIN STOPS HERE

17 Davy Crockett’s birthday, 1786, on a mountaintop in Tennessee.

HOO-HOO GOES THERE

18 Happiness Happens Month FAIR WARNING Benton County Fair, one of the year’s earliest, through Aug. 22 near Bentonville - and bushels more to come. Call (479) 795-8900.

19 Former President Bill Clinton’s 64thbirthday.

“I may not have been the greatest president, but I’ve had the most fun eight years.” - Bill Clinton

UNDER A SPELL

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, Thursdays and weekends through Aug. 29 at The Weekend Theater, downtown Little Rock. Call (501) 374-3761.

20 H.P. Lovecraft’s birthday, 1890; National Catfish Month.

H.P. Lovecraft wrote of monsters -

Icky worms that guard the gate;

But the worms that really matter

Are the ones that spell out BA-I-T.

Bigger, Better, More: “The Art of Viola Frey” exhibit of ceramic giants through Nov. 28 at the Arkansas Arts Center, Little Rock. Call (501) 372-4000.

TINY BAUBLES

21 Hawaii admission day, 1959. Hawaii admits that“aloha” is a multiple-definition word that means (1) “Hello,” (2) “Goodbye” and (3) “We made the guitars too small, hoahanau [cousin], but no problem. The tourists will buy anything.”

BRIDE AND PREJUDICE

22 Arkansas Democrat-Gazette Fall Bridal Show, 12: 30-5p.m. at the Statehouse Convention Center. Runway fashion show, 4 p.m. Details at arkansasbridalcommunity.com. Call (501) 378-3807.

23 Really hard August quiz answer: (B) Sardonyx, the month’s gemstone - not to be confused with sardonic (sneering), as in: “She expected sardonyx for her birthday and reacted sardonically to his sarcastic gift of sardines.”

24 Vesuvius Day remembers the volcano that erupted inA.D. 79, keeping Icarus grounded for months.

25 How to celebrate What Will Be Your Legacy Month:Build a monument with Legos.

BLUE TICK MEETS BLUETOOTH

26 National Dog Day, and three new commands to replace the old things a man used to tell his best friend: Instead of speak: “Text!” Instead of sit: “Surf!” Instead of stay: “Telecommute!”

WHOO-WHOO GOES THERE

27 Frisco Festival through Aug. 28 in downtown Rogers. Details at friscofestival.com. Call (479) 936-5487.

RATTLE ME THIS

28 National Championship Chuckwagon Racesthrough Sept. 5 at the Bar of Ranch near Clinton. Rides, clinics, concerts through Sept. 2. Races Sept. 3-5. Details at chuckwagon races.com. Call (501) 745-8407.

ROOT CAUSES

Central Arkansas Iris Society’s Iris Rhizome & Plant Sale, 8 a.m. at Grace Lutheran Family Life Center, Little Rock. Call (501) 455-1478.

RUNS LIKE A STREAM

Rollin’ on the River 5K race and family walk, petting zoo and games, 8 a.m. at the Clinton Presidential Center, downtown Little Rock, benefits Easter Seals Arkansas. Details at

rollinontheriver.org

. Call (501) 227-3700.

29 How to celebrate National Win With Civility Month:No more Mr. Vice Guy.

30 Frankenstein author Mary Shelley’s birthday, 1797;National Waffle Week.

The monster awoke

With a terrible yen,

With a hunger so big,

It was awful;

He ordered just one,

But it wasn’t enough,

So he cried out again:

“Son of Waffle !”

31 Perpetual pop princess Debbie Gibson’s 40thbirthday makes her the same age as the crossword puzzleworker’s favorite golfer, Ernie (three letters down) Els. Coincidence?- to a tee.

AUGUST GOES POOF

Smoke on the Mountain through Oct. 10 at Murry’s Dinner Playhouse, Little Rock. Call (501) 562-3131.

Coming next month: September! Call (501) 399-3633, write to Ron Wolfe, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, 121 E. Capitol Ave., Little Rock, Ark. 72203; or e-mail

[email protected] by Aug. 15 to suggest September calendar entries or what to do with all the leaves that come tumbling down on the first day of fall, Sept. 22, such as: Rake the whole bunch into a basket along with all of summer’s left-over cucumbers, zucchinis, watermelons, yard sale signs, chuckwagons and stray dogs, and leave everything on the neighbor’s porch. Each event requires a phone number that is answered during business hours or by an answering machine that identifies the event or its sponsor.

Style, Pages 25 on 07/27/2010

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