WHAT’S IN A DAME: Oh iPad, thy name is comic yet tragic

— Last week everyone was all aTwitter over a particular subject.

Haiti?

Iraq?

The State of the Union address?

No, the iPad, Apple’s new tablet device.

Its promising music, movie, Internet and application faculties?

Its favorable photo display capabilities?

Its groundbreaking e-book features?

No, its name. And its unfortunate likeness to - giggle, snort - feminine protection.

Immediately after Steve Jobs unveiled the iPad, terms like “#iTampon” were turned into trending topics on the social networking site by people who jested that the name for the latest Apple seed didn’t work. Period.

Except maybe as the basis for, say, a Mad TV original comedy skit, which the iPad was back in 2006. (“With wireless Bluetooth technology, I can set you up for fast uploading without all that water bloating!” a woman counsels her friend in the faux-mercial.)

Were any women consulted in the naming of this product? I can’t imagine they were. After all, women, who according to the NPD Group buy 40 percent of all gadgets sold, have enough to drag about. What gal wants another “pad”- one that’s 10 inches wide, no less - to lug around?

The flow of joke tweets was heavy for days.

From @jadetronic: “What’s an iPad? For when you’re on your iPeriod!”

From @R_F_Barker: “Do I pre-order an iPad now, or wait six months for the iPad with wings?”

From @jeffstaple: “I can’t wait for the next iPad version with a larger hard drive: The iMaxiPad.”

From @DontStealMyPen: “Will women send their husbands to the Apple store to buy iPads?”

From @thislittlepig73: “New Apple iPad comes in 3 sizes. Would that be Regular, Ultraslim and Overnight? I want to see a commercial with a woman pouring a pitcher of blue water into an iPad. And butterflies. And cartwheels.”

I personally want to see a commercial in which a woman whips out her iPad and plugs the hole in a flooded boat - saving herself and her mystified date with it.

Which raises an important issue, and that’s what people should do when they cause damage to or experience errors with their iPads. Call tech support or devour chocolate, sob and pop Midol?

Whether the device is a success or whether the iPad’s name cramps Apple’s style, we’ll find out in a couple of months. For now, we wait in a state of iPadMS.

E-mail:

[email protected]

What’s in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman ‘hood.

Style, Pages 27 on 02/02/2010

Upcoming Events