WHAT GIVES Going coarse on discourse

FAYETTEVILLE — Does rudeness rule?

Are we getting so self-centered that coarse behaviorgoes on display without even a thought about propriety or, more importantly, concern about those on the receiving end?

Sadly, one doesn't have to look far to see some prime examples of audacity and disrespect.

This summer's orchestrated campaign of yelling at members of Congress at town hall meetings over the president's health care plans first got me to thinking about a reduced level of civility in our society. Now, I've got no complaints about people opposed to the wholesale changes to health care speaking their minds, and some did so with eloquence. I don't even have a problem with congressmen being addressed forcefully and with conviction. They're not royalty, after all. But the people who got on TV (achieving the desired goal, perhaps) were over-the-top rude, interrupting others and screaming at the top of their lungs.

The entire planet started talking about rudeness when Serena Williams berated a line judge who made a correct but unwelcome foot fault call at the U.S. Open in New York. Even in a city that has practically thrived under a reputation for rudeness, Williams outburst and threatening demeanor generated negative reactions.

Folks, that was tennis with no love.

And Kanye West became the poster child for rudeness by interrupting Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards to offer the world his thoughts on another artist he thought was deserving of the prize.

Inconsiderate.

It's not just the big national scene where rudeness plays out. I'm writing this column before Saturday night's big Razorback game against the University of Georgia, but I just bet that mixed in with the convivial collegiate cacophony of tailgating and cheering on the team, there were some classic examples of rudeness before, during and after the game.

I've seen and heard it before. People with young children having to ask young collegians to tone down crude language. Drunken fans letting their obnoxious behavior flow over into someone else's good time and ruining it.

I'm reading a book right now called "UnChristian," which cites extensive scientific polling to identify how those who do not profess faith in Jesus Christ perceive those who do. It's not a pretty picture. Those outside the Christian faith often "feel minimized - or worse, demonized - by those who love Jesus," the book'sauthors write.

"If you create more barriers with outsiders because of your tactics, you have not been a good steward of the Gospel," the author suggests.

It's a form of Christian rudeness - replacing the love advocated by Jesuswith a mission of making converts at any price. It's not the message of Christ that's offensive; it's that the way his followers apply it to create more harm than good, actually closing doors by their behavior.

Are we really in the midst of an outburst of rudeness or do we just see more of it these days through all the modes of communication we have? In reality, the answer is probably yes to both scenarios. One begets the other, and now when anyone is particularly rude, there's probably going to be a camera of some sort nearby getting it all for posting to the Web.

What's most bothersome about rudeness isn't as much the immediate act itself, but the underlying loss of concern or appreciation some have experienced for the impact of their actions on others. Young children are naturally self-centered and can be very rude. That's just part of the process of growing up. The folks who have no excuses are the adults.

Perhaps one of these communitywide book reads led by the local library, the University of Arkansas or the local school district should focus on civility by reading Pier M. Forni's book "Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct."

The author attempts to identify 25 rules essential to connecting our lives with others, things such as refraining from idle complaints and respecting others' opinions. Perhaps it's worth a serious look, along with passing it along to others after we're finished.

Are rules necessary? No, kindness is really what's needed. But sometimes we can't just snap our fingers and be changed. Perhaps it's a good idea to follow a set of rules until it becomes real.

I would suggest what many behavior experts recommend: If you want an attitude of consideration and civility, schedule acts of civility. For example, if one determines that he will write one thank you note per week, no matter what, to someone who deserves a pat on the back, over time that act will increase the odds that one will naturally express thankfulness spontaneously.

It's worth a shot, right?

Greg Harton is editor of the Northwest Arkansas Times. His column appears on Sundays.