COMMENTARY: Deja Vu, Or Did I? Whatever

By BOB CAUDLE

Posted: November 13, 2009 at 6:10 a.m.

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Did’ja ever have one of those dega view moments?

Deja vu, dega view, take your pick.

If I could spell, they’d pay me more.

I just get the feeling I’ve made that same mistake before.

If you haven’t had either, go ahead and go to the crossword puzzle.

Because this column is about views ... vus ... dejas ... whatever.

I’m waddling into Walgreen’s this week to pick up the litany of prescriptions that my doctor tells me that I not only need, but can’t live without.

I walk through the front door, and this guy dressed in a white shirt, black tie and black slacks, walks up to me and says, “Excuse me, sir.”

My natural instinct of the Great North American Redneck swings into high gear.

I’m ready to accept a religious pamphlet in my left hand, and try to connect with an overhand right.

I’ve seen it done a thousand times on TV on boxing replays, and I figure, surely to God, I can land at least one punch and run.

“Would you like to have your blood sugar tested for free?” he asked.

Free is one of my favorite fourletter words ... right behind a fewothers I use on the golf course.

So, I went over, got stabbed in the finger, and was deemed livable.

And the best thing about it was the woman that conducted the test had the biggest, rounded, best-shaped pair of ... eyes I’d ever seen. (Editor’s Note: You only kept one foot in bounds on that one, Bob.)

(Editor’s Note: Boy, this next part was funny. Sorry I had to cut it out.)

The religious pamphlet memory brought back a story that will forever live in infamy in the hearts of door-to-door sales people.

True story: (Editor’s Note: Got another one. You’re 0 for 2, Bob.)

A man and wife (and I’ll never mention that it happened in Springdale) were watching a woman working her way down the street, knocking on doors.

If no one answered, she left a pamphlet on the door.

(Editor’s Note: Another one bites the dust. With all these turnovers, you’d think I could score some points.)

The particular religion they thought the woman was peddling did not believe in saluting the flag.

So they woke their young child up, handed him an American flag and sent him to the door.

Doorbell rings. Kid opens it with a United States flag in one hand and a salute in the other hand.

And then, the young man, while standing in his Fruit of the Loom briefs, says “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands: one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

His father steps around the corner and says, “Now, what do you think about that?”

The woman says, “Well, in all my years of selling Avon, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen anything like that.”

To repeat, sometimes, things aren’t always like they seem at first glance - and the Avon woman is still recovering some30 years later.

BOB CAUDLE WRITES A HUMOROUS COMMENTARY ON LOCAL, STATE AND NATIONAL ISSUES. HE IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY INSULTER.

Opinion, Pages 5 on 11/13/2009

Comments

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Heya, Bob. Remember me? Well, I've moved back to Vancouver after 11 years in Chicago, and am wondering how you've been doing.

I read your November 13th column and enjoyed it, as usual.

Drop me an e-mail at shaunacassidy@yahoo.com. Let's catch up.

Shauna

Posted by: shauna

November 20, 2009 at 2:34 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )