LITTLE ROCK — PLEASE, sir, have a seat. Let us take that. You’ve been burdened enough. What would we call this thing, eh? A sickle? A scythe? It looks sharp. Or at least there’s a lot of blood on it. Lots and lots of blood. No sir, we won’t ask.
There ya go, now. Comfortable? Gosh, your joints sound like you haven’t sat down in months. All those creaks and pops. Oh, well, you know what a popular president once said about aging. It beats the alternative. Heh, heh.
Uh, well. Guess you had to be there.
You don’t seem to be in the holiday kinda mood, mister. Would you like something to drink? How about some hot chocolate? No? How about some homemade tomato juice? The tomatoes came straight from Bradley County. No? How about something stronger? Ah, yes, we have just the thing.
The stuff in this bottle may taste a bit harsh at first, but you get used to it.
Especially on a cold Arkansas day.
Just say when.
Just say when enough’s enough. Any time now. It’s really quite strong. Just say when . . . .
Ooohh-kay. You might want some ice with your drink. Or some water to dilute it just a bit-
Another shot? How about you just hold the bottle? There ya go.
It’s been quite a ride, Mr. 2009. Not that it’s any fault of yours, but it hasn’t been all that pleasant. Let’s be blunt: It’s been downright unpleasant. Just re-reading the year’s papers is enough to make a person wince. Tornadoes.Typhoons. War, war and more war. Senseless shootings. Drownings. Fires. If we read one more obit about a young child . . . . It seems as though this year has seen more than the usual sorrow. Even in Arkansas. Sure, every year has its rough spots. Look at your uncle 2005. And don’t get us started on 2001. But you were no walk in the park, either. If we read one more obit about a young child . . . .
Death happens. Divorce happens. Bankruptcy happens. Accidents happen. But for some reason, we’re especially glad to see you retired. How many times have most of us raised our eyes to the skies this year asking Why? The questions are easy enough. Many of the answers remain hidden from mere mortals. And if we read one more obit about a young child . . . .
WE LOST John Updike when you were a young year. Paul Harvey, too.
Jack Kemp and Steve McNair were athletes from different ages, though both played quarterback. Ed McMahon, George Kell, David Carradine, Irving Kristol, Patrick Swayze, William Safire, Merce Cunningham, John Hughes, Claiborne Pell, Farrah Fawcett, Norman Borlaug, Jody Powell and Karl Malden. All are gone now.
Others who died on your watch varied, from Ted Kennedy to Robert Novack. From Michael Jackson to Les Paul. From Walter Cronkite to Robert McNamara. And other famous people.
But those were just the famous people. What about those who were just known by those in their own states, like a Jodie Mahony or a Bud Canada? Or just in their own neighborhoods, like a Philip Wise. Or somebody who never intended on being famous, but were made to be, like Neda Agha Soltan, who may yet prove to be the spark that toppled a regime in Iran. Let’s not forget them. Nor all the men and women of the nation’s armed forces who put their lives on the line, and sometimes even lose them, every day. Maybe their names aren’t John Updike or Farrah Fawcett. Maybe they’re John Fawcett and Farrah Updike. But when they put on the uniform, they become targets. Even if the rest of us don’t know their names, their families sure do.
Yes, the war against terror rages on, even if the current leadership in Washington, D.C., avoids the phrase like undercooked pork. Speaking of pork,Congress has passed a cap-and-trade bill, and looks to be close to some sort of health care “reform,” complete with goodies for states with senators who bother to negotiate for them. Not that anybody is talking about tort reform or allowing folks to buy health insurance across state lines, both of which might actually lower the cost of health care in this country. No, this Congress knows who contributes the big money. Now that Democrats control the White House and both houses of Congress, nothing can stop them. Until the next election. But that will have to wait till next year. We’ll brief little 2010 tomorrow.
Americans voted for hope and change in 2008, and in 2009 installed a new president. Change we appear to be getting. Except for that elusive theory in American politics known as bipartisanship, which would be real change in Washington, D.C., if it ever gets there.
At least the still-new president seems able to learn. He’s listening to his generals, for the most part, and following his predecessor’s strategy of a Surge in the world’s most troubling spot. We wish him all the good. Maybe when we’re handing a drink to your successor, we will be celebrating a victory in Afghanistan. If we can still use the word victory.
No, sir. No charge for the bottle. We don’t believe you could pay for it anyway.
Have you seen your bank account lately? The newspaper industry wasn’t the only one feeling the effects of your recession. It seems as though every time we picked up the Business Section we read about layoffs and cutbacks and shenanigans amongst the bankers and lenders. And the financial bad news wasn’t limited to the private sector.Has that $787-billion bailout created a job yet? And we don’t mean in nonexistent congressional districts. The real numbers show that unemployment still hovers at 10 percent, folks in expensive suits in expensive offices are still writing bonus checks to each other, and Barney Frank says he can fix it all. Heaven help us.
So the bottle is on us. No, we won’t take a check.
THERE, THERE. Things weren’t all bad, MMIX. We didn’t mean to pile on.
Well, gosh, now that you mention it, some things went right on your watch.
Uh . . . .
They released a new Harry Potter movie this year. And we got the North Korean hostages back a few months ago-although we’re still waiting for the Iranian ones. Wilburette, the large pig who escaped an overturned truck in downtown Little Rock, got a pardon and a home in an undisclosed location.So there has been some good news here and there-
Oh, who are we kidding? It hasn’t been a good year. Not that we blame you. We blame the man who slaughtered more than a dozen people at Fort Hood. And the man who pulled the trigger outside a recruiting station right here in Little Rock, Ark. We blame the technical problems that brought down that Air France jet over the Atlantic. We blame the Scots for allowing the Lockerbie bomber to walk free. And there are just some things you can’t blame anybody for. Who’s to blame for the Mena tornado?
Actually, we don’t mind at all if you can’t keep your eyes open. You go ahead and sleep. It looks as though you haven’t slept since you were all of September.
And hold onto the bottle if you wish. Your replacement won’t have any need of it. Not at first. He’ll be just a baby.
If he needs his own drink in another 12 months-and we get the feeling he might-we’ll find a replacement bottle for him.
As for you, retirement sounds like the best thing for all concerned.
Editorial, Pages 12 on 12/31/2009