HEART & SOUL: Dropped ball is part of learning to juggle

— My almost 16-year-old son was certain I’d enjoy juggling as much as he does. So the other night he taught me the basics.

“You want to start with something really simple,” he explained. “Like, just toss two balls back and forth at the same time and catch them.”

Doesn’t sound simple, I said. I was right. About the sixth time I dropped both balls, I was ready to quit.

“Not my thing,” I told him. He shook his head, grinning.

“You’ll get it, you just have to practice,” he answered. “Try again.”

Eventually, after we fell over laughing at my attempts, I sorta-kinda-maybe got the hang of this basic step and he let me quit for the night. When I complimented him on his patience with my clumsiness, he responded with encouragement.

“Juggling’s not that hard if you work at it. Just don’t try to juggle too much too fast. Tomorrow, I’ll show you the next thing.”

After he went to bed, I started this New Year’s column. The metaphor was too perfect. Isn’t that what parents do - juggle more than we can handle? We juggle our families,our work, our personal needs, not because we want it that way but because that’s how life is today.

What’s truly amazing is that we manage. Maybe we drop the ball here and there, but then we pick it up, juggle a little more, drop something else, try again, and so on. Now and then it hits us that we’ve taken on too much. If possible, we simplify, temporarily shedding tasks and responsibilities until we pare down to a manageable load. Most of the time, that simplifying doesn’t last. Soon we’re racing around again, too many balls in the air, too many irons in the fire, too many projects, tasks, responsibilities on our plate. Somehow, we keep it all going.

I wish this New Year’s column could explain how to ease off this frantic pace. I wish I could write, “Hey, do this one thing and you can stop juggling and start living.”

Unfortunately, I can’t. Life today is a juggling act. Perhaps if the economy were better, a column about reducing our load might be in order. But to be honest, I’m not sure it’s all about the economy. Life has changed, and I don’t see it getting simpler any time soon. Add hard times, and we have no choice - we have to juggle more than ever. We have to say yes to every opportunity, because who knows what is secure? Of course we still want time with our families and friends and time for ourselves, and we need to have it. But as parents and providers in an uncertain economy, providing a stable, secure home as best we can is a tall order. It means working harder than we ever have. It means juggling all the time.

Put in that perspective, our juggling act becomes more than just getting by, more than just coping. It becomes something we can be truly proud of. We have to give ourselves credit, quietly, humbly, and sincerely, for what we do day in and day out. What’s an amazing day? It’s the day we get our kid off to school with a good breakfast and a supportive word because he has an exam, then we get ourselves dressed and to work on time, work on at least one major task (and usually a dozen unexpected minor to urgent ones), say a kind word to someone else,get home and make dinner, listen to our children, connect with our spouse if we have one, and top it off by brushing our teeth - that’s an amazing day.

My New Year’s message to you is simple: Recognize the heroic in your ordinary day. Give yourself credit for all the juggling you do. Every single day you get up and accomplish the simple stuff, you’ve accomplished something impressive. Every day you do it with a smile on your face,patience and a kind word for someone else, you slay one more dragon.

Write to Jennifer Hansen at Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, P.O. Box 7, Springdale, Ark. 72765. E-mail her at:

[email protected]

Family, Pages 35 on 12/30/2009

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