Fightin' Words Please don't take my Smackdown away

So I've been writing this pile of words on Friday night after work. Then I spend the early-morning hours Saturday watching Smackdown on my super sweet HD DVR.

Last Friday I settled down in the man cave to watch the only decent, current WWE product on TV but there was nothing there. Using all the powers my simple monkey brain could muster, I discovered that the good people at the cable company had done away with the channel that carries Smackdown.

I checked our cable bill from last month and the junk mail pile and found no notice from Cox Communications that this channel was being removed. The nice lady at Cox's secret underground customer service lair at first said something was wrong with my box. I politely disagreed and said there was an entire new programing lineup that included suchTV classics as "The Rockford Files," "Quincy M.D." and "The A-Team."

After talking with her supervisor, the nice lady said that My Network had been dropped from the Cox family of channels and replaced with the Retro Channel.

I asked if there was anyone I could write or talk to in order to show my displeasure and she recommended I call the Fort Smith office. She said that it was Fort Smith that chose to replace My Network with Retro. I asked why would I call Fort Smith if the entire company decided to pull the plug?

She couldn't answer that one.

So, like the spoiled manbaby that I am, I'm pitching my screaming fit in the newspaper.

Stupid cable company, I hate you! That's better.

My house is hardwired to Cox. There's nothing I can do.

I can't switch to dish because we have, and this is a little embarrassing, seven cable outlets with two digital boxes, a high definition DVR box and high speed Internet all tied into these wrestling-hating corporate fat cats.

When you call the 1-888-GET-MORE number you have to go through a lady robot voice activation system thing to even find the polite human voice. And the voice has nothing to do with the channel lineup. Still, it's more fun to yell at a human than a robot. So if you miss Smackdown, hate robots and want to vent, I recommend giving them a call.

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UFC 102 was last night and due to our early deadlines I've got nothing to report. I did catch the "Countdown to UFC 102" show Thursday night on Spike TV and like most UFC shows, it was top notch.

Regardless of who won last night, you've got to love Randy Couture (16-9). The man represents everything that is good and cool about the UFC. Forget that he's 46.

This guy is a physical specimen and a real student of the game. Every time he steps into the Octagon it's something special.

I'm not discounting Antonio Nogueira (31-5-1). He's a grizzled ring veteran that will choke you out with your own leg. Nogueira is a bad dude and either one of theseguys would make for an exciting fight with heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar.

More on UFC 102 next week.

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On the TNA Wrestling side of things, has anyone missed Don West as the color commentator on "Impact?"

I, for one, haven't. From the very first moment I heard his gravelly, too excited about nothing shouts I thoughtTNA had made a mistake in hiring him.

Seven years later, they finally pushed him aside and brought in formerWWE announcer and ECW championTaz.

As far as where West ranks as the worst announcers in history, I'd probably put him in the Top 10. He always seemed like a nice guy and you couldn't deny his enthusiasm. But I really hated the sound of his voice. I'm sure if he was selling Sham-Wows or super stain remover he'd be a billionaire by now.

But for my money, the single worst announcer in the history of announcing had to be David Crockett.

He was the son and brother of the heads of Jim Crockett promotions, the group that ran Mid-Atlantic and World Championship Wrestling in the 70s and 80s. I've only recently heard his work with Mid-Atlantic, but am all too familiar with his time on the Superstation WTBS.

Here's a couple of the gems he's blessed us with over the years: "Look at him!" "Did you see that!" Yes David, we did see that. It's a television show, not a radio broadcast from the 1920s. Unlike wrestling referees, we see everything. David won the coveted Worst Television Announcer Award in the Wrestling Observer Newsletter three consecutive years from 1986 to 1988.

Steve "Mongo" McMichael was pretty awful too. He was part of the three-headed beast that included the equally terrible Eric Bischoff and the always enjoyable Bobby "the Brain" Heenan during the early years of WCW's "Monday Nitro."

The only thing worse than Mongo's announcing was his wrestling. On the gridiron, he was the man. In the squared circle, he was an immobile sack of flop. He is my least favorite member of the Four Horsemen. That's right, "Pretty" Paul Roma was a better Horseman.

Papa Shango, theVoodoo witch doctor that made the Ultimate Warrior violently ill with his evil magic, would have been a better Horseman.

But I digress. The two best, in my opinion were Gordon Solie and Jim Ross. For such a little dude, Solie had a very manly voice. You could almost smell the aged scotch and unfiltered cigarettes through your TV screen.

JR should go down as the greatest voice for the WWE/F.

His work with Bill Watts' Mid-South and UWF wrestling was outstanding and he was a great part of WCW in the late 80s. But his work over the last 12 years has been some of his best. He has called some of the most memorable moments in WWE history.

Whoever takes his place will have some major shoes and cowboy hats to fill.

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Chad Eiler is a page designer for the Daily Record and has been made violently ill by evil Voodoo magic. He can be reached via e-mail at [email protected].

The opinions are those of the writer.

Area, Pages 9 on 08/30/2009

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